i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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