No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
