I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
