Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just puked most of my soul out..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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