I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
