I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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