I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
