ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
