So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
