I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
