maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
