So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
