Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
