If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
