I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
