he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
