and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
