Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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