Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
