Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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