I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The air was thick with penises
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
