found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
