If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
