Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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