Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
