Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
