idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
