My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
