Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
