I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
