hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i was born a porn star she said
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
