I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
