So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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