i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
