Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
