Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
