Moan for me like Helen Keller
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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