Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
