I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
