You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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