I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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