Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
