T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
