The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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