last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
