my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
