forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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