On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
