dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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