Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
