Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
