he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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