when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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