I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
