I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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